i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
