white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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