Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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