i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
