I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
