Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
