He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
