When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
