WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
