I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
