The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
