I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
