FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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