i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize