Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
