It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
