why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The air taste purple.
Randomize
