My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
