This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
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