never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize