remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize