You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
