just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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