I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize