So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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