I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
