if you like me you must not know who I am
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
