Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
