roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
