I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
