glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
