Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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