So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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