she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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