Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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