I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
