Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
