I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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