saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
