Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
