please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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