Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
