absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize