Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
