I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
