Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize