i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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