I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
