so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
