I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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