I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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