Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize