I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
