Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
