I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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