dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
