no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize