He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
