Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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