I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
