so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
