Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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