I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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