Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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