So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
