So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
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