Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
